I AM SO GREAT!

I just got off of a call that Mindy made out to be a tough one. “You have to know something about wrestling, boxing, or martial arts, OK? It’s crucial, I really don’t think it’s so much about the sex as the sports.”

“OK,” I’m nonchalant, I like boxing, so I figure I’m good.

“Are you sure?” She sounds really concerned, “Because it’s the most important part.”

“Yea, I’m sure.”

It’s no big deal, I don’t understand what’s so complicated. I tell the guy I’m training to be a boxer, make my body very muscular, and say I took martial arts when I was a kid. After we talk a bit, and he repeats multiple times how it would be embarrassing to get beat up by a girl, I have him figured out.

I describe kicking his ass in his basement. I speak softly, and mockingly and use some random boxing terms. “I keep delivering shots to your body. Left, right, left, right. You know I can knock you out with a good solid jab to your obliques, right? That way you won’t have to worry about being embarrassed tomorrow telling all your coworkers a girl gave you a black eye.”

I try to engage him, ask him if he’s going to fight back, but he really can’t talk. I figure he’s liking his ass kicking well enough, I stretch it out. Knock him off his feet, and pick him up and beat him some more, dance around him and jab him lightly. The third time I knock him to the ground, I sit on his stomach and punched him until time runs out.

Then I go back to Stumbling.

Moments later, my phone rings.

“Congratulations, Charlotte!” Mindy say, laughing.

“What?” I have no clue what she’s talking about, “That guy?”

“Yes! You made it! You have to tell me something,” she says, very conspiratorially. It’s funny that I’m making friends with the receptionist, “What did you do? It wasn’t about the sex was it?”

“No, I just beat him up and made fun of him for it,” I say, “Why? Does he call a lot?”

“YES! And he’s never happy. He canceled 7 times in one night!”

“Really?! WOOHOO!!” I really cheer and Mindy really laughs. “I’m so proud of myself!”

“You should be!”

What a thing to be proud of! But I am, damnit!!