I make it no secret that I’ve had an abortion. I’m not proud of doing it, nor am I ashamed. It just wasn’t something that myself or my now husband was prepared for. I was just starting grad school, and had way too much time to alter my life in such a huge drastic way. It wouldn’t have been fair for my child. Children are brought up into such disastrous atmospheres everyday, and I think it’s mortifying and reprehensible. In a way it’s completely irresponsible to raise a child in an unstable environment, and more irresponsible than me getting knocked up and having it sucked out like a Hoover on crystal meth. The reality is that it was a good decision and I do not regret it at all. This doesn’t mean I get knocked up every weekend and have an abortion. I don’t throw abortion parties. It’s quite the opposite, ever since I’ve done that I’ve been incredibly careful in having sex.
In a way, I’m glad I’m not going to have children. Kids are worthless, gross specimens of humanity. They’re worthless creatures meant for three things: draining money, getting sticky things everywhere, and pissing you off. What annoys me the most is that every parent thinks their kids are beautiful splashes of sunshine. What is even more annoying than that is that they say, “Don’t you think little Victor is just darling???!!” My answer is an always brutally honest, “Not right now.” Your kids aren’t darling. They’re wastes of space and serve no useful purpose except a drain of the society of people who choose not to suck as bad as you do.
The story of my abortion isn’t funny or interesting. I didn’t put on a puppet show with the fetus or anything like that, but it did make me think about how much I truly despise children. It’s not like the internet does a much better job of convincing me either.
I want to stick a pin in this kid’s face to see if he’ll deflate. Fat singing kid…you are NOT cute!
And another reason to have an abortion?
He could be BLACK. I kid.
And finally, the cutest kid on the internet. Just in time for Halloween. Your tears bring joy to millions, little guy.
So fuck kids is basically what I’m saying.